Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
