How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
