He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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