Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
