Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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