he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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