I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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