I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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