forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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