I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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