When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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