listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
