TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
