Kiss
Puke
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
