Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
