The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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