I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
