Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
