Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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