i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He kissed a someone with a penis
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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