TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
