Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just want to make out with him forever
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
