Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
