So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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