that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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