Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
