I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
