How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize