wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
