Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize