Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
operation have a gay friend backfired
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
