My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
