If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
