that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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