I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
