I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
