Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
