Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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