a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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