There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
