I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
