i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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