It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
