Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize