So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
