Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
