Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got inside last night via doggy door
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
