think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
