I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I seem to have left my pride at pride
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
