she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
