Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
