you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
