but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
