If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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