I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
