I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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