Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
