so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
