hotel room ftw
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Buhtt sex?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
