She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
