Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
