Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
