I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
