She is in my trunk
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
