Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
