i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
