I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
