I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
