I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
