Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
